(If you're new and wonder what I'm talking about when I say update, you can read this & you'll get it.)
This is more so just rambling and ranting.
You know...baby fever sucks a lot more when you're body isn't quite functioning properly.
When you know that it isn't going to be easy for you to experience that, if ever.
I know a handful of people, possibly two handfuls, that are currently pregnant.
I've seen Facebook posts of "something's in the water".
Cause I'm not knocked up.
...yea, I realize how selfish that sounds...
And then there are the abundance of people who are pregnant that probably shouldn't be.
(Like a certain teen mom...)
In all fairness, maybe it's still just not time.
Or at least that's the best thing I can keep telling myself.
We've only been "trying" for a month or 2. So I know not to expect results fast, so my spirits are still high.
I just get annoyed by the fact that someone can have a one night stand or something & boom, baby on board.
I try to chalk it upto the whole God has a plan, it's his timing, yadda yadda. Maybe he's waiting for me to get a job, or maybe he feels it's not the right time...blah blah blah.
Or maybe he thinks I'm not ready, I often contemplate whether I am or not also, because I still have my days where I don't like the sight of (some) kids. (lol) Or because I doubt myself and wonder if I'll be a good mom. Or because I'm scared of such a HUGE life changing factor (fyi-I don't like change). Or because I'm just downright scared.
I think all of those are possible...
But I still have my days where I'm just like,..
Why do I not get to experience this when I have wanted a kid since I was like 19 or 20, if not younger? (Don't think I'm crazy! lol I fell in love when I became an aunt, I was 15 & I think my maternal instincts kicked in, and a few years after that I kinda started wanting my own.)
Why do I, someone who has done minimal bad things, not get this...but Betty Sue* can have kids & do drugs before, if I'm not mistaking during, aaand after having them. Or Martha Mae* can screw someone she can't even remember and be knocked up.
I have times where I alllways want to browse baby stuff just to see what's new, what kind of baby clothes trends are going on etc.., and then times where I can walk by it and not even notice it.
I even have times where I despise the thought of making a diaper cake, and other times where I reallllly wanna make one...which is almost irrelevant since it's been almost a year since I've made one...haha.
And then there is the semi-fake "ohhh, congratulations" to some people. Not all, there are several people who I am thrilled for, that they are pregnant with number 1 or 2. But there are a few that I sit back and think,...really?!
I teeter-totter on how I feel about all aspects of babies/kids, pregnancy, parenthood, life...
For some reason the past couple of days..or maybe weeks...it's been on my mind.
Just rambling, wanted to get it out before my head exploded or before I got myself down.
I'm trying to stay positive.
I actually try to not even think about it.
But when I do, I try to be positive.
"For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic."
*names have been changed for protection of the