Missing my bestest.

So, that nice bubbly-ish post yesterday?
I came unhinged about oh,..mayybbbe an hour after posting it.
Have you ever went from relatively happy, or okay, to hyperventilating & crying.
It's crazy. You don't want to. You'll feel crazy.
And I did, feel crazy.

It's not a good feeling at all to drive away from your best friends house knowing that in a couple of days they are moving. Out of state. 7 hours away.
It's not a good feeling to look over as you leave, and see that your mom is crying too.
This happened to me. 12 years ago.
Less than a week before we were supposed to start 8th grade.
I'll never forget being on the bus, headed to school on the first day, and seeing her step-dads van at the store & knowing that he was leaving. That was it.

My best friend, the girl I was attached at the hip to since 5th grade, had to move. And I really don't think I have been the same ever since.
It sucks. Every day.
I really do believe a piece of me left when she did. Firmly believe that.

We used to write letters. More like short stories. I miss that.
We don't get the luxury of meeting up for lunch/dinner.
We don't get to have double dates.
We don't get to go to each others house to eat, drink, talk, hang out, be lazy, whatever.
We don't get to talk on the phone much.
We don't even get to text that much.
It hurts.

Life gets in the way happens. I understand that. We've grown up, I understand that. We're, in a lot of ways, in two different worlds- it seems.
I hate not being able to clear my mind or rant to her. I hate that she's not able to do the same when something is bothering her. I hate that we don't get to be crazy together. No more dancing in the black light. No junk food eating & talking.

I'm extremely thankful that our friendship has overcome the distance. We're still just as close as we used to be, just miles apart. I'm the God Mother of her kids & I wish I could see them more. I miss her mom and stepdad, as they are basically my second parents. I miss her sister. I miss them.
We still see each other at least once a year, even if it's just for 3 days.
It definitely makes the time we get to see each other more precious.
But even that's not enough sometimes.
But the distance still wears you down.

I feel like I sound selfish.
Just remember the next time you get to meet up with your closest friend for whatever reason, that I can't do that. Then you imagine not being able to do that & you'd know a smidge of what I feel.

It's always on my mind. Missing them. But sometimes it's really, really harder than other times. I've been struggling with it a lot this week. It's bad.

I just want my best friend back.
In person.
I wish that wasn't too much to ask.


♥♥♥
Brandy

WIW & happy trails, ew.

GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS!
GUESS WHAT DAY. IT. IS!
;-)

First of all, I have a question. Do any of your have, or know anyone who has, that Hip Hop Abs set?!
I've really been thinking about getting it. I mean, I said I wanted to get back into dancing.
Whats a better workout that learning dance moves? If you have it, or know someone who has, let me know what you/they think about it, pretty please.
One person on my facebook said she has it and that some of the moves are tough. Which is typical, I'm sure, and I'm okay with that I suppose. lol It's one of the first workout DVD sets that really looked appealing to me in a while.

I was reading something last night about hair growth, particularly male patterned hair growth on women -face, chest, abdomen, back-, that kinda of gave me a mental boost to lose weight. Embarrassingly I have hair on my belly, think a mans happy trail. You see a happy trail on a man and it's attractive, see a bit of one on a woman it's a little off putting. lol I know many woman have it a little bit, like maybe peach fuzz, but mine is darker hair, it's not "feminine and cute" or anything like that at all. So I HATE it.
I've been thinking of laser hair removal. Have any of you ever had laser hair removal? How good did it work? How painful was it?
Anyway, back to my point. I was reading and searching about it and I was lead to an article about Hirsutism, which is excessive hair growth in women where they normally don't have it. First of all, I'm not Chewbacca or the bearded lady or anything like that, but it sort of fits my little issue. I read the article & it kind of clicked. Maybe I have a mild case. And it pretty much touched on what I have been suspicious of being the issue, that my testosterone levels may be a bit high, which can be caused by many things, including PCOS & being over weigh/ obesity. In turn, being overweight/obese and having higher t-levels (aka hormone imbalance) can also affect getting pregnant, which I already knew. So, if -IF- that is my issue, losing weight might help fix both of those problems. I already knew that losing weight MAY help my ovulation get back on track & up my chances of pregnancy, but this was the first time I even read about the hair thing. You can ead more about Hirsutism here. So, this kind of counts as a bit of a baby update also. Although I have not talked to my doctor about it or anything, I have a gut feeling that this is my issue, the whole hormonal imbalance thing, which I've had that gut feeling for a while. I can't remember what my hormone levels were though, or if we checked them (I'm sure we did). It's be about 8 or 9 months since I've been to the Dr. so I don't remember 100%. I'm not fully trying to self-diagnose or anything, alls I'm saying is it makes sense, for now. haha. Either way, cross your fingers for me.

And now to weigh in...
Today: 163.8
Last week: 163.8
No change. It's not a gain, so I'll take it.

So, now that I've talked about my embarrassing issue, that's all I've got for you today.
I need to get a little cleaning done.

Happy Humpday!
Lovins & stuff!
♥♥♥
Brandy

30 Before 30! Happy Birthday to Me!

imgsrc

Now wait, hold the phone, if everyone could so kindly Tweet Harry Styles & try to get him to tweet me (@bnb03) Happy Birthday, I'd greatly appreciate it. If you could get him to come to my house, I'd...well I don't know what I would do....

Anyway, I'm 25 today.
Wow, that's already so weird to say.
A quarter century old young.
I probably won't do too much today, we're a little crunched with money until tomorrow.
So any going out to eat or anything will likely be done over the weekend.
:)
Let's get into it, shall we...
A little while back Erin, who I just love, posted her 30 before 30 list and I loved it. I thought, "I should do that, too!" So, I decided I would.
Fast forward a bit and a couple of weeks ago Stephanie, who I also love, posted her 101 in 1001 list & I loved it too. It further solidified that I should, indeed, finish this list & then post it...(& then do it I suppose.) ;)
So I thank them both for being my main inspirations for doing this.
I had already decided that if I'm gonna have a go at it, then I'd have the list made by my birthday & that would give me exactly 5 years to do it.
I have to admit, for whatever reason, it was hard. I tried to do a mixture of serious and fun. I even asked Doug and my mom if they had any suggestions thinking maybe the would jar my mind and I'd think of something. I honestly didn't think I was going to come up with 30 things, but I actually ended up with over 30, which is good. Means I'll have other options that can sub for another, should I decide to change it or whatever.

I'm not sure I'm 100% happy with it, but here is what I have so far. (I will have it as a page/tab thing soon.)
If I make any changes or tweaks, you'll be the first (err maybe second, behind Doug, to know.)

Sissy's 30 Before 30
1. Get my teeth fixed.
2. Get a job/ start on a career path.
3. Get our own place -preferably buying a house-
4. Become a mom.
5. Travel somewhere I've never been.
6. Grow as a Photographer.
7. Get caught up with scrapbooking.
8. Write a song.
9. Have one of my photos published or featured.
10. Meet a major weight goal.
11. Do something special for Doug.
12. Pay my parents back, to some degree, in some way.
13. Have a Wild Encounter or be a Zookeeper for a day.
14. Sponsor an endangered animal.
15. Learn a new language. (at the very least, the basics)
16. Go to 5 pro. sporting events (at least), no specifics on this one yet.
17. Build my (our) savings account to a certain amount.
18. Complete at least 5 Pinterest projects.
19. Get Meet & Greets to (at least) one of my favorite artists/bands.
20. Update wardrobe. (Clean out closet & get new clothes)
21. Reteach myself (or have my mom reteach me) how to sew -with a machine- & make something.
22. Be an extra in a movie.
23. Finally invest in a handgun. (I've been a legal gun carrier for about 4-5 years, still no pistol though.)
24. Participate in at least one 5k. (even if I walk for most of it.)
25. Try cake decorating. (like fondant, tiers, etc..)
26. Treat myself and Doug to a long couples massage/spa day.
27. Paint something. (as in a painting)
28. Go to the CMA Music Festival.
29. Attend an award show.
30. De-clutter.

the extras:
1. Do a boudoir photoshoot.
2. Get back into dancing.
3. See a broadway show
4. Wine Tasting (I mean, I live in "Mini Napa Valley" and I've been to only ONE Vineyard....)
5. More tattoos
6. Buy gifts for as many people in need as I can. At the very least 5 or 6. (Christmas-time thing.)
7. Decorate our house & do landscaping. (Once #3 is completed)
8. Become a millionaire (this was Doug's clever suggestion...haha)
9. Girls trip.
10. Finish the basement (aka our apartment) to be home-y while we still live here.
11. Work on family tree. (ancestry)

Whatcha think?!
I've got 5 years, exactly! Think I can do it? Those goals aren't too unattainable are they?
Ahh, hell, who cares? I can still try! :)
Do you have a list? If so, leave the link to it in the comments, I'd love to read it!

Well, let's see what this day holds for me!
Love you all!
♥♥♥
Brandy

*Also, Stephanie, along with one of her bloggy gal pals, is going to do a link up to track progress. It will be once a month, on the last Saturday of every month. So, to anyone with a list of sorts, here's your first heads up if you'd like to participate. The first one will be on July 27th.

About Me...I'm a Cancer.

First & foremost, just wanna let you  know that you get two posts today!
Because I'm a giver, even on MY birthday, I'll give YOU the gift of two posts.
AWWWW! 
Yep, that's right, today is My Birthday.
My 30 Before 30 list will be posted soon, so be sure to check back in about an hour.

But for now...anyone into zodiac/astrology?
I am.
I have been into since I was a kid & I learned about my sign pretty early on.
I'm glad I did, because it's helped me understand things about me that I probably wouldn't get otherwise.
I AM my sign.
As with any sign there are some things that don't add up or don't fit you, but for me, for the most part -at least 95-98%- it's all me.
Before you go any further,...if you don't follow or buy into it at all...save yourself the time & go ahead and leave. (again, check back in a hour for my 2nd post.) :)

Just figured I'd list a few things that pertain to my sign that fit me to a T.
I'm a Cancer.

ImgSource

Cancer is represented by the crab.
My element is water (ironic because I, personally, can't swim very well..but I do kind of love the beach)
My Ruling planet is the moon. Explains my extreme obsession with the moon.
My color is silver.
My startstone (not birthstone) is the pearl.
Random fact. If you take my zodiac sign & flip it & rotate it, it's 69. Okay so, I'm a bit of a perv. 
But I realized this at a young age and it made me giggle then too, haha.

Cancers are maternal, domestic signs.
The nurturers of the zodiac.
Traditional and patriotic.
A mysterious, walking contradiction.
Sign that represents motherhood.
Tough external shell but soft on the inside. (ahem, like a crab)
Cancers like to retreat into their "shells". (Keep to myself, a lot.)
Emotional and moody. (yep, this is actually a bit of a weakness)
Wears their hearts on their sleeves and are sympathetic to others. (for the most part)
Easily hurt. (too easily, sometimes)
Yet can be vindictive. (Pinchers, y'all, we pinch!)
Tenacious and protective, especially of loved ones.
Good with money. (yes.)
Loyal (until you hurt me)
Sentimental. (very sentimental, to a fault.)
Doesn't like conflict.
Creative.
Intelligent and intuitive.
Very observant.
Good memory.

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Some weaknesses:
Can be possessive/clingy (oopsie)
Overemotional and bad mood swings.
Can be lazy (key words CAN BE, not typically, but can be...I apparently am, but I firmly believe my laziness is due to my depression.)
Self-pitying (I have a bad habit of this, real bad.)
Not very trusting (this is true, it's hard for me to trust)
Can dwell on the past (this goes along with sentimental, but I'm putting this as a weakness, too. I have a hard time letting go of things..which isn't always a good thing.)
Anger & depression
Grudge holders (I can move on -sometimes- but, I won't forget unless I choose to actively let it go...which is rare)

I like to be the "listener" for people. I may not always be able to offer anything in return, but I'll listen to you. It says that Cancers are good at making others feel good about themselves which is good for them (Cancers) because it's in turn makes US feel good. In other words, it makes me happy to make you happy. I really am very sentimental, which is why I have an entire room of boxes from my childhood. The reason this can be bad though, is because there are times when I've thought that the present isn't as good as the past (as everyone does at times). The difference is, when I have those thoughts, they are taken to the extreme (I dwell on the past). This is also true if there was something bad that happened in the past, I dwell on that. 
Anger and depression. I don't trust people. It's actually pretty ironic that someone like me even has a blog, a space to be so open. But it's good. Because if I don't get my feelings and thoughts out, at least a little, it all just builds up. Leading to anger, and resentment....and depression. Which I can't seem to fully get rid of. I have battled depression for years. It's a constant every day thing. Some days it's nonexistent & others I feel so worthless. Some days it's not a struggle & other days I'm on a sinking ship. It just varies.
The fact that I am such a nurturer, and my sign is the sign that represents motherhood, is easy to see. My planet, the moon, is associated with fertility. Which I think has a lot to do with my emotions and depression on the matter of my difficulty in getting pregnant. I want to be a mother, I feel like it's going to be one of my greatest purposes, if not my main purpose, in life. Yet it's been so difficult to do so far. This is one of the situations where the self-pity comes in. I don't much like to make people feel bad for me, I pity myself enough, I don't really need anyone else to do it too. But I do also like to be nurtured as well. I keep to myself a lot, so if I do whine, it's my rare "cry for help". I don't necessarily need your pity, I need a shoulder, or a hug. My self esteem isn't very high, also.
I love my friends, a lot...almost as much as family. In fact any of my close friends are thrown into my family category. I keep a smaller circle than most. (right now it's really small). I'm a pretty loyal friend. But I can pick up on things kind of easily (not always, but a lot of the time.) Like if I'm being used. And even then, I'll still likely be loyal...because it's in my nature. (That is where it becomes a fault). I give people too many chances. But hurt me & I'll do one of two things; I'll retreat away and avoid you forever (or at least a long time), or I'll hurt you back. I really am protective of my family. Just don't mess with them. That actually goes for anyone I love. I'm an avid day dreamer. (I mean, to a fault sometimes.) I can be present, but in my mind I'm living a different life. No, I'm not kidding...and it's pretty much all. the. time. I'm about as moody as they come. I can usually cry at the drop of a dime (good, bad, happy, sad, funny, silly, doesn't matter)..this is that whole emotional thing, ya know?
My obsession with the moon? It might make you giggle a bit, huh? But for me it's real. I'm drawn to the moon. I'm nocturnal. I thrive at night. Even though I love sleep and feel mad when I've slept the day away, I still just thrive at night. (I'm convinced that if I could live without it, I'd go days at a time without sleep so I could fully enjoy the day AND night. But I can't do that, because it's not natural...and I'm not a crackhead.) Back to the moon...If I feel sad or overwhelmed or whatever, if it's a clear night, I literally go outside and just stare at the moon for a few minutes. I'm not completely sure what it is, but it calms me. It's comforting. Even if all is well, I love to lay under the night sky, even if the mooon happens to hide, I love to stargaze, it has almost the same affect on me. Just makes me happy. (I know you think I'm a huge weirdo now, haha, it's alright, I kind of am.) I love the moon & I'm not ashamed of that! 

My Photo. Taken- Summer 2012

My Photo. Taken- Summer 2012

I like having a sense of security. Which is why I like to be home, or being in control as much as I can. So, I am also pretty good with money. Even though I credit my dad a lot for that, he's rubbed off on me in a lot of the ways I handle money. But in many ways, it does come natural. I don't like to be low on money. Now if I could just get the dough rolling in so I could REALLY save! I don't like change. Although I can be very adaptable.
More often than not you only see the surface of things when it comes to me. But being someone who does tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, that can be a lot. However, there is always more underneath my shell that you don't see. 
I'm pretty complex, yet extremely simple.
I could really go one forever. But that gives you a little bit of insight as to who I am, at my core.
:) I'm a Cancer & I'm proud of it! 

Famous Folks I share a birthday with::
Lil Kim, Lil Zane, Richie Sambora, Jeff Corwin, Giorgio Armani, Michael Rosenbaum, Lisa Rinna, Sela Ward, Justin Chambers, E.B. White, John Quincy Adams, and several others...

Post number one is done!
Post number two, coming up!
♥♥♥
Sissy

BNB Photography

I'm going to TRY to be productive today, I've been slacking this week pretty bad.

So instead of posting a bunch of hooblah, I'll just share a few of my pictures. 

:)

They may not be too spectacular to anyone else, but they're mine and I'm proud of them. So they are double-marked & now stamped with my blog address...lol. Protective much? Uhh, yea! :)

I picked at random, so enjoy!

 

Emu from Wild Animal Safari

Summer 2010

 

Nixon of Framing Hanley

April 2011

First Day of Summer 2011

Gatlinburg, TN

Fall 2011

 

Go Dawgs! 

Fall 2011

Tree of Vultures

Winter 2011

Pinecone

Spring 2012

 

Annie

Spring 2012

Have a great day everyone! I might show more every now and then!

♥♥♥

Brandy