My up and down weekend..

Wow, I mean...just wow.
My weekend was very...up and down.
Very, very happy and yet heartbreaking all at the same time.

Friday was spent with my mom & nephew, shopping for last minute things for my nieces birthday party. All. Day. I mean from about 10:30am and not getting home until about 6 or :30pm. At least we got to have lunch with my Hubs and my Daddy. And my nephew didn't complain too much, so that was a plus. He did get his Halloween costume, so that may have helped. ;-)
Saturday was birthday party day. (And game day. And the bad news day.) Up early to make sure the kitchen table was cleaned off and the kitchen was as clean as we could get it. My girl got to stay with me, her Dad & brother while my mom & her mom went to get her cake. Love that. Quality time with my niece. She helped me separate the favors, and got to pick out which ones she wanted. Shhh. Then we did table set up and my brother helped hang a couple of streamers. All very simple, but enough to make her feeling special. My little cousin was the only other kid that came, so it was her, my cousin & my nephew. But that's okay. I wanted to have something for them to do instead of having to just occupy themselves. So, I chose cupcake decorating. She likes to bake. She got to help make the cupcakes and they cooled down while we waited for the chicken and macaroni to finish cooking. After everyone ate we got out all of the cake decorating stuff and everyone sat around and decorated their own cupcakes & cupcakes for those who weren't there. Then it was gift time. She made away with quite a few goodies. After that we sang Happy Birthday and cut the cake & had a bit of ice cream. Yes, we had a cake too. haha. She seemed to love everything and have a great time so, that's all that matters to me. She was all smiles all day, and that helped me be all smiles.
They left at about 6.
Let me rewind real quick, let you in on the heartbreak.
Georgia lost. We came off of this high from beating Tennessee, but also knew that we wouldn't fare too well this week having lost 4 or 5 of our key players. You can tell when there are people missing. It really shows. And I think 3 of those players are out for the season. And then, the rankings. We fell, bad. 15th. So. Sad.
But the real heartbreak, the one more important than the game, the one that I got the call about while my niece and I were decorating for her party. Rufus had been found that morning by his Moms friend. Not in the way we had hoped. Doug said he had a hole in his side, the we presumed to be a gunshot, and that from the way he looked he had been there for a while. We think he was either shot there, or shot and then dumped there. Doug also said he thinks he had been killed early on in the week, either the night he went missing or possibly the next morning, because he was already starting to decay a bit. Sad and pissed off doesn't even begin to explain it. He was found on the dirt road down by his Mommas house. The dirt road that I rode I don't even know how many times hollering and whistling for him. The dirt road that we WALKED halfway down looking and hollering for him. And all that time, we missed him. Thursday while I still at his moms, alone, I rode down the dirt road again and stopped at one point, where I saw some vultures fly from, thinking the worst, only to find deer bones. So, Saturday when I asked Doug where exactly he was found from that point, he said maybe 7 foot from where I was looking. How did I not walk down and see him. Maybe I wasn't supposed to. Doug said he was kind of glad that I wasn't the one who found him because he knows how I am. It would not have been good. So, I wasn't looking forward to that news Saturday, and I had to walk to the bathroom and cry for a minute because my niece asked me why my eyes were watering, she didn't catch on that I was crying, thank goodness. But I pulled myself together and kept a smile on my face for the day. I didn't want my niece to have any attention off of her, so I didn't let myself dwell on it at the moment.
After my niece & her mom left, everyone at the house loaded up their hunting stuff while Doug and I went out to eat with his Mom and Brother. We went to an Irish Pub Restaurant in town that I had been wanting to go to. We had been once, but it being our first time we weren't too adventurous with food, so I think I had a salad and I can't remember what Doug had. But, I had been telling Doug that I wanted to go there and try something I had never eaten before. So this was the perfect opportunity. I had Shepherds Pie & he had The Shillelagh (a club sandwich) and we were both satisfied. I'm proud of both of us. And my brother-in-law, he also tried something new to him. We are pretty much creatures of habit, so trying new foods is kind of a big deal. lol  Despite all the sadness the four of us were able to have some laughs. After dinner and trip to Walmart it was time to head back home so I could see everyone off. By about 10:30 I was home alone.
Sunday was a solo day, since everyone was still gone. I was able to spend the day, alone, doing absolutely nothing. And I liked it that way. I didn't get to watch any of my teams play, but the three that played all won. I was able to watch my shows on time instead of record them. It was pretty good. Everyone got home around 10pm.
Then yesterday my computer wouldn't turn on for me. Actually, it wouldn't turn on for me Sunday night, but I thought I was maybe being tempermental. But, it was a no go yesterday also. I'm so ready to have a new one, but I just don't know if we can afford one right now.
So, this post is long, happy, sad and mostly picturless, because I haven't uploaded my pictures from the birthday party on my moms computer. I also had not yet uploaded them to FB, so I can't swipe some from there, and I'm just not wanting to upload them to her computer right now.
Ugh!
With the way last week was, only for it to end how it did on Saturday. I'm just all around mentally exhausted still. And I'm sad. There such a heavy sadness in me right now that I know I need to let loose, and grieve but I keep trying to be strong. I'll let it flow out soon, and this post has helped. I've cried. Ugly cried. But, there is more, I feel it. It hurts.
I'm going to a concert tonight and right now I don't want to go. I know it will be good for me, I know it might help me, be a pick-me-up, so I'm not backing out of it. And hopefully I can have good things to say about it.

Rufus,
Sweet boy, you were only 3 1/2 years old. Such a big baby and sooo lazy. It'd always crack us up how you'd lazily climb onto the couch or bed instead of jump. Or how you'd just kind of slide off the couch and plop down on the floor. You were such a fun and happy dog. It's already so lonely feeling without you up there. Pooch and Rusty look for you, it's such a noticeable absence. It breaks my heart to see Pooch walk outside and sit in the driveway like she is just waiting for you to come back. It still has not fully hit me that you're actually gone, not missing, but gone. I'm not ready for it to hit me. I think I'm still in a bit of shock and denial. I'm so sad that someone took you from us, from Jarred. I just hope you know how much you were, are, loved and are already missed. We were so hopeful that we would be reunited with you in a happy way. If there is anything we could have done, we would have. I just can't believe this has happened. I'm miss your sweet face and your loud bark, your silly excitement and your laid back personality. I love you and miss you so much, Rest In Peace.

R.I.P. Rufus
2010-2013
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♥♥♥
Brandy