Saturday, August 10, 2013

Missing my bestest.

So, that nice bubbly-ish post yesterday?
I came unhinged about oh,..mayybbbe an hour after posting it.
Have you ever went from relatively happy, or okay, to hyperventilating & crying.
It's crazy. You don't want to. You'll feel crazy.
And I did, feel crazy.

It's not a good feeling at all to drive away from your best friends house knowing that in a couple of days they are moving. Out of state. 7 hours away.
It's not a good feeling to look over as you leave, and see that your mom is crying too.
This happened to me. 12 years ago.
Less than a week before we were supposed to start 8th grade.
I'll never forget being on the bus, headed to school on the first day, and seeing her step-dads van at the store & knowing that he was leaving. That was it.

My best friend, the girl I was attached at the hip to since 5th grade, had to move. And I really don't think I have been the same ever since.
It sucks. Every day.
I really do believe a piece of me left when she did. Firmly believe that.

We used to write letters. More like short stories. I miss that.
We don't get the luxury of meeting up for lunch/dinner.
We don't get to have double dates.
We don't get to go to each others house to eat, drink, talk, hang out, be lazy, whatever.
We don't get to talk on the phone much.
We don't even get to text that much.
It hurts.

Life gets in the way happens. I understand that. We've grown up, I understand that. We're, in a lot of ways, in two different worlds- it seems.
I hate not being able to clear my mind or rant to her. I hate that she's not able to do the same when something is bothering her. I hate that we don't get to be crazy together. No more dancing in the black light. No junk food eating & talking.

I'm extremely thankful that our friendship has overcome the distance. We're still just as close as we used to be, just miles apart. I'm the God Mother of her kids & I wish I could see them more. I miss her mom and stepdad, as they are basically my second parents. I miss her sister. I miss them.
We still see each other at least once a year, even if it's just for 3 days.
It definitely makes the time we get to see each other more precious.
But even that's not enough sometimes.
But the distance still wears you down.

I feel like I sound selfish.
Just remember the next time you get to meet up with your closest friend for whatever reason, that I can't do that. Then you imagine not being able to do that & you'd know a smidge of what I feel.

It's always on my mind. Missing them. But sometimes it's really, really harder than other times. I've been struggling with it a lot this week. It's bad.

I just want my best friend back.
In person.
I wish that wasn't too much to ask.


1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry girl!! I can't imagine what that's like. I know I'm in Ohio, but you're more than welcome to call or text me anytime and we can talk. :)


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