Dear 21 year old me.

Holly & Jake are doing a "Letter to your 21 year old self" link up. Mine's not very interesting or anything, but here goes nothin'.

Dear Sissy (21),

Left: 8-'09, Wasty pants and singing along at the Def Leppard concert.
Right: 1-'10 Tattoo night, fresh wrist ink, aww yeah.

I mean, I really don't even know what to say to you.
I hate having to preach to you, I mean, you're making me sound like mom and dad, more so dad.

You and Doug got through that big rough patch last November, that's good, but the work isn't over. Don't give up, he's so worth it (of course you know this, I just want to reassure you.) He's gonna finally pop the question this year. Exciting, right?! It is about damn time. Don't stress about planning. People will start bombarding you with questions. You're going to answer about 95% of them with "I don't know." That's okay, it buys you some time.
You'll be married right before you turn 23, & don't worry, once the planning is all said and done and the wedding happens, it will be absolutely amazing, for everyone and 2 years after the fact you'll still be getting compliments on how "that was still the funnest wedding they have ever been to." And it makes it all worth it.
Continuing on with relationship stuff. I know you just decided to stop birth control and have the "whatever happens, happens" attitude. That's fine. No one knows that deep down inside you actually want a baby (mainly because most people would think you were nuts).
When you start to have that "something isn't right feeling", I wish you wouldn't have ignored it. It's almost 4 years later and we are still baby-less. While in some ways this maybe a timing thing, I feel like if you would have got the ball rolling then, we might be in a different place now.
On the other hand, you should also continue having your fun. Enjoy your drunk nights with Carla. Enjoy the few times that you get to hang out with the guys. Really enjoy them. In a few years, there will be major tests in your friendships and you'll pretty much be at the end of your rope. Basically all those friends will be gone. Don't worry, you'll slowly start speaking to them again, but it won't be the same. The silver lining in this is that you and Doug will really, really connect more and have a lot of fun together. You'll pull Doug even more out of his shell & he'll realize that even though somethings are uncomfortable for him, he has fun. That itself, will make you happy.
You're about to be seriously reintroduced to concerts and you'll be on a mission to see at least one every year. Do it to it, girl. No one will ever understand your love for music, but in most cases they'll support it. Especially Doug. And you'll fall head over heels for Framing Hanley, this is going to be a good thing because you will meet lots of friends through them.
On the opposite side of the spectrum. That wonderful Billing and Coding course... Yea, it will serve you no purpose because it will be difficult to find a job without experience. As a matter of fact it will be difficult to find a job, period. Part of this will be due to the economy, and part of it will be due to you. Whether it be not looking/trying hard enough, or not looking/trying at all. Trust me, if you can put a little more effort in and get something now, it will serve you better. Otherwise we end up exactly where we are now. Sitting at the kitchen table, at home, eating Cheetos with still no success on finding work. You know how easy it is for us to feel like a failure, believe that feeling just gets heavier and heavier.
I'm not completely sure exactly where your head is. I think it's stuck on fun mode. Not really uncommon for your age, so that's okay.
The good thing in all of the stuff just not happening for you is that you become more smart with money. You're already really good with it, thanks to Dad. But you'll become even more savvy and more aware of where your money goes & more importantly where it shouldn't go. This isn't gonna come right away, it'll really hit you in about a year. Not going to preach too much about that because like I said, we're good with money 90% of the time.

Oh and your weight. Yea, the weight that you started gaining in high school. Well you should probably go ahead and try to get it in check. Because you gain a little more & then end up sitting around try desperately to motivate yourself to work out.
Oh and just fucking go to the dentist. You know we need to. But you won't. You little bitch. It only progesses and gets worse. Which cause money stress on me, and even though we are good with money, one income with all of a sudden having to have dental procedures done, is bullshit. You coulda helped me avoid it.

Even with all the things you should have done and didn't do. You're going to turn out okay. I mean, I'm fine for the most part. But to be honest I would love nothing more than to shake you and tell you to start getting it together or you're going to be 24 -about to 25-, married, unemployed, and still living at home.
*sigh*
I am definitely not where I should be right now and a bit of that blame does go to little ole you.
But, you're okay. I'm okay.
While things could be better, they could also be far worse.

Thanks for being strong through the issues that have already come your way, it helps us to be strong with the issues that are still to come. While we are weak in many ways, we learn just how strong we can be at the same time. You'll change a lot, but in many ways you'll remain the same, so don't be scared.
I know I'm only a few years away from you, but that 3-4 year span is enough time for a lot of things to happen. The things that are top priority to you now won't be quite as important in a couple of years. Don't feel too bad and feeling lost in life, that part will still hover, I still feel it...but you'll start to figure things out. Even I'm still learning.

Everything is gonna be alright.
♥love always,
Sissy (24)

March'13