Monday, June 16, 2014

Why did I ever stop?

As I've mentioned before...Doug & I live at home, in my parents basement. It's basically a 2 br/1ba apt...that's unfinished. But that's not really important. That 2nd bedroom is SUPPOSED to be a spare bedroom for any company and my scrapbook/craft room.
But, you see, I'm a bit of a pack rat. Want to know what is actually in that room?
My childhood...and my teenage years. And even some adult/current things.
I have trouble with parting with stuff. Some things are understandable (to me) to keep. Other things may be a little silly.
Like, I have one tote with nothing but school in school work. I think it's mainly HS with some Middle school. I have another tote full of school books/binder etc from Elem. also in that tote is all of my WWF (WWE) magazines. I have a John Deere touch lamp that I got for Christmas about 9 or so years ago's still in the box that my mom put it in to wrap it. I never got it out... Oh and key chains... and my stuffed animals! Letters, letters and letters! I mean, you're catching my drift right? If I listed everything you'd think I was either still wanting to be 10-15 years old, or that I was crazy...or both.
Sometimes a mood strikes where I'm just kind of like "throw this shit away" those are the days I go throw that room so that I know I'm a little more likely to throw away the necklace made out of masking tape...I was rummaging through my spare room the other day and trying to condense and get rid of a few things.
I was putting all of my binders from school in one collective totes to make a little more room, but of course you can't do that without looking through them, right? No! So of course I stood there and look through them and let nostalgia slap me in the damn face.
From the letters, and the back & forths, to the poems, to the lyrics. And of course whatever pictures donned the front covers. I laughed at all of the different guys names in the "I love ____" that all girls inevitably write/doodle/draw everywhere.
And then of course there was my non-school binder, I don't even know what you'd call it, just a notebook I suppose. It's just one of those that had no purpose. But inside were a few doodles, the "i hate myself" or "I hate everything" sentiments. Fuck this & fuck that hooblah, you know. Teen (pre-teen) angst and whatnot. But I love looking back at my doodles. I even had a pen stash. I mean, I, have a problem, I'll show the one from then & my current one... you've heard those people who say that they love buying pens/markers etc.? Yea, I'm one of those to the extreme.
I used to doodle and draw all the time. Nothing really major, in my opinion, musicians logos/symbols/names, pot leaves, and then of course bubble letters. I used to draw up things for people to put in the front of their binders with their names. I wasn't THAT fantastic but, I was pretty good. Especially to be 11/12/13/14. But I feel like it faded away. I mean, I've never FULLY stopped doodling. But I mean I used to doodle allll the time! I miss that. I miss that small window of creative outlet.  I wish I could find some of my better things but, alas, this is all I could find right now.
Oh and then the poems/quotes/lyrics and such. I have a notebook full of lyrics of some favorite songs..I quit typing those forever ago. Idk why.
I used to also write lyrics, quotes, and poems that I found and loved. Whether they were fun, or meaningful. In those notebooks and binders I'm talking about up there, I would write them in there, or just on loose paper. On my binders, in my agenda books, I'd write 'em wherever.
But, I would also write my own. Poems that is. My friend Briana wrote me a poem. It was 9th grade and I liked Doug at the time, she wrote this poem about that, in exchange, I wrote her one about the guy she liked at the time. I still have that poem she wrote me and I'll keep it forever. I think I still have a copy of the one I wrote her too.
I have the beginnings of several other poems. I found one I had started about abortion (why I was writing about abortion at 13 or 14, I have no clue.) And then I found another one that's also not finished. But I read it & it struck me. And immediately I was like "Did I really write this?!" I loved what I read. I'm probably going to google a few of the lines to makes sure it's not one that I had found years ago and liked it so much that I wrote it down. But, I really feel like it's mine. I had one of those feelings when I read it. Like a connection. It just put an automatic smile on my face. It also made me sad. I mean, if it is mine, and I thought it was that good -at least for a teenager- then why in the world did I ever stop writing?! I've been wanting to try my hand at songwriting for a while, I've even mentioned it on the blog, it's even on my 30 before 30 list. So, I'm just wondering why I suppressed it? If I used to write and did fairly okay, then why the hell didn't I keep doing it so I could mature it? I don't know. But lately I've been jotting down most of my ideas. I've even resorted to using my phone when needed.

And shit, scrapbooking. Scrap booking started for me in middle school I think. Lil photographer me. Or paparazzo. ;-) Of course the older I got, the more "serious" I got. And now I have like 2 or 3 unfinished scrap books, and a few that haven't even been started. But supplies? I have HEAPS. I have a full tote, a box full, my cricut and a bag of cartridges and then of course back to my pen/marker stash. The main reason I stopped that is lack of room, that much I can say. I need a central station for that. Lugging all of that around from room to room just to do maybe one page in however many hours you decide to spend on it is a bit much. But, I miss's something that I want back in my life, even though it never really left.

Basically, creative ole me has been held back for too long. For absolutely no reason. I really want to start letting this shit out again!

And in the spirit of this post.

 My latest doodles I busted out while planning a Disney scavenger hunt.

Is there anything that you used to love doing that you stopped or don't do much of anymore??
If so, what?

& I say, start it back! :-)



  1. I love your Disney doodles, fyi! :) I love to write, draw, color, you name it!

  2. I've been loving the drawings you post on IG, and I never knew you were such an artist!! That is so awesome! Glad you are getting back into it. There is something so fun about drawing/coloring! =D

  3. Just found your blog from Erin's sidebar! I decided to just make my way down her sponsorship list and make new blogging buddies. haha! Anyways, I'm glad I found your blog and I'm excited to be following you now via GFC and Bloglovin!!


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